


Questions Ricochet Like Broken Satellites

by Kalcifer



Series: Kobus Lives [1]
Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-22 13:50:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21077831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalcifer/pseuds/Kalcifer
Summary: Kobus' entire life had been pointless, but for once, they could see exactly what they needed to do. Then Vicuna pulled them out of Liberty and Grace.





	Questions Ricochet Like Broken Satellites

**Author's Note:**

> I fully intended for this to be a light-hearted fic where Vicuna reassured Kobus that they didn't have to die and that people still cared about them. Then I remembered the state Vicuna was in at the time. As it turns out, feeding children to 80,000 year old war machines does not make them into models of mental health. I do have plans for a possible followup where Kobus gets to talk to someone, but for now this is just kids being sad at each other but surviving.

Kobus was an idiot. They’d thought they’d figured everything out, that they’d seen through Grace’s platitudes to get to the truth. Apparently, though, they’d just been a scared kid, unable to believe there was anything adults couldn’t do. At the first sign of trouble, they’d run to the grownups to get them to fix everything.

There wasn’t anything wrong with Grace but her fundamental nature. Kobus could see it so clearly now, see all the things they’d been trying to avoid noticing since they’d first climbed into Loyalty. And Liberty, whose capture had felt like Kobus’ first real victory, turned out to be no better. The best Kobus could say for them was that they wouldn’t actively go out and attack their own citizens. They would gladly sit back and let Grace keep doing it under the guise of giving her the Liberty to do so, though.

Neither Grace nor Liberty were ever going to save anyone. Everything Kobus had done since reclaiming their identity was meaningless. They didn’t know how they hadn’t seen it before. All they could do now was stop Grace from hurting anyone else. They opened her cockpit, trying not to think about how recently they’d sworn to never get back into a Divine.

“What did you do?” Vicuna asked, voice ragged. She spat blood onto the hangar floor.

Kobus hated seeing her like this. Even now, they wanted her to take charge, to tell them everything would be okay if they just did as she said. Look how well that had worked for them so far. “I did what someone had to,” they said. Maybe it was selfish of them, but they wanted her to think of them as a hero. They wanted her to be proud of them.

They really hadn’t grown at all. It wasn’t going to matter for much longer.

They turned back to Liberty and Grace, more urgently this time, only to be stopped by a hand on their shoulder. They tensed. They’d dropped their sword back when Grace’s thoughts washed over them, and if Vicuna wanted to kill them now, they’d be powerless to stop her.

She didn’t. She let her hand rest on their shoulder like it was too much work to raise it. “What did you do?” she asked again. It was almost a plea. “She’s right there, I can feel her, but I can’t reach her anymore! Why can’t I reach her?”

“Oh,” Kobus said. They probably should have been prepared for this. Ibex had mentioned that Liberty and Discovery didn’t want Candidates. Kobus hadn’t realized that Liberty would settle in so quickly, though. They were running out of time. “I’m sorry, but this is for the best. There’s no place for us anymore.”

The words come out with more Grace than they’d intended. Kobus grimaced. Of course she had to interfere with this too. They couldn’t have a moment of their own.

They climbed into Grace’s frame. Vicuna followed right behind them. “I can’t let you do this, Kobus,” she said.

It was strange. Only a minute ago, they’d been in the same positions, and Vicuna had been so intent on killing them that she’d barely been able to form words. Now she was practically chatty in comparison. Kobus had known that getting away from Grace would be good for her, but they hadn’t realized how immediate the effect would be. Maybe Grace had been lashing out mentally as well as physically.

They felt a stab of pity for Vicuna, unexpected and unwelcome. She was supposed to be more than this.

They realized they’d been staring down at her and swung themself into the cockpit. They were going through the motions of shutting the door and plotting a route when they remembered that they weren’t in Loyalty. All the controls were slightly off from what they’d expected, and so far they’d only managed to adjust their seat.

They didn’t find the switch for the door before Vicuna climbed in next to them. Kobus had been aware of their impending death for a while, but now they knew that it would all be in vain. It was enough to stop their breath.

Vicuna didn’t snap their neck, though, and neither did she take control of Liberty and Grace. She reached for the console only to pull back again. “Grace…” She shook her head. “We need to talk. Let’s go.”

“There’s no time.” Kobus could see Vicuna’s hesitance, and before they could second guess themself, they shoved her back out of the Divine. “I’m sorry,” they said as they did, hoping she’d understand everything the apology encompassed.

It turned out not to matter. She grabbed at them as she fell, pulling them to the ground with her. The cockpit sealed itself behind them. Kobus heard the sound of engines firing, and then Liberty and Grace was gone, flying off to someplace free from concerns like politics or forlorn Candidates. Vicuna watched them go like she was watching the world crumble around her. All Kobus could think was, “Yeah, I know.”

It wasn’t until Liberty and Grace were out of sight that the full weight of their failure crashed down on them. They hadn’t freed a force to fight against Rigor. They hadn’t taken out a threat to the Diaspora, or even gotten any knowledge about what they’d be facing. The only thing they’d down was make a dangerous Divine even more predictable.

The adrenaline began to drain from their system, leaving Kobus aware of the pain in their arm. They ignored it to bury their head in their other hand. What would they do now? They’d finally had a plan driving them, and it turned out to be flimsy and meaningless. They’d had a moment of clarity after uploading Liberty, finally understanding what their role was, and then Vicuna had ruined that.

Now they were stranded in a base run by the people they’d betrayed. They had nowhere to go, and Ibex was dead, had died right in front of them and they’d done nothing, and the Vicuna they’d thought of as family had been consumed by Grace’s temper tantrum. They desperately wanted to be in Loyalty again, to know that they had a place and that everything would be fine as long as they had faith in the people around them.

They didn’t know how long they spent curled up like that. It didn’t really matter, since when they returned to themself, nothing had changed. Just like every other time they tried to make a difference.

They wiped their face, not sure when they’d started crying, and straightened back up. Vicuna was still at their side, staring into the sky as if Liberty and Grace would reappear at any moment. Kobus wanted to take her presence as a sign that not much time had passed. It was probably a bad assumption. She didn’t even react when they walked towards her, as trapped in her head as Kobus had been in theirs. It must have been even worse, after so many years spent sharing it with Grace. At least Loyalty had only ever been an external presence.

Kobus considered hugging her, but quickly thought the better of it. There was every chance she’d try to kill them again for it. The thought almost made them smile. Even before the attack on Grace, she’d never been big on physical affection.

They shook their head. “Goodbye,” they said. They still didn’t have a destination in mind, but they couldn’t stay here, surrounded by reminders of their mistakes.

“Wait,” Vicuna said. She didn’t reach out to Kobus this time. Her arms stayed at her sides, her fists tightly clenched. Kobus wished she had a little less self-control. They hadn’t touched another person since the gala. They hadn’t realized how much they missed it until the fight, when their mind lingered every time Vicuna brushed past them. That was probably how they’d gotten their arm broken, really.

They didn’t realize they were staring until Vicuna glared at them. They straightened automatically, which made Vicuna’s expression crumple. She schooled it back into practiced sternness. “Why?”

“You gave me no other choice,” Kobus said again. “Grace is a danger to the sector, and has been for years. She –”

“I know!” Vicuna shouted. She shook her head and tried again. “Do you think I don’t know that?” The words were harsh, but brittle. “Grace was shaken by the attack. She can’t see how much we need her, and that saddens and scares her. Can you blame her for being upset?”

“Yes?” Kobus stared at her incredulously. “She’s putting innocent people’s lives at risk, that’s a little worse than being upset.”

“Those people are only alive by her Grace. They should be grateful.” Vicuna paused, brow furrowed. “No, that’s… Grace is…” She moved her mouth soundlessly as if working through her own thought processes.

Kobus couldn’t suppress an upwelling of hope. If they’d managed to free Vicuna, maybe this hadn’t been a total waste after all. Assuming, of course, there was a Vicuna to be freed at all.

She looked up at them as if seeing them for the first time. “Your arm is broken.”

Kobus nodded tiredly. They’d been doing their best to block out the pain, but her observation brought it flooding back in. Thanks, Vicuna. “Yeah,” they said, “you broke it.”

“You need to get that taken care of,” she continued as if they hadn’t spoken. “I’ll call a medic for you.”

“No!” Kobus couldn’t stop themself from crying out. “Vicuna, I just attacked Grace. If anyone finds out, they’ll kill me on the spot.”

“Not if I tell them not to,” she said, still worryingly calm. It was like she hadn’t heard any of what Kobus was saying. She hadn’t even reacted when they admitted to betraying Grace.

“But what about when Liberty and Grace get back?” Even working with Vicuna, they couldn’t keep a secret forever. Liberty and Grace would tell the other Divines, who would turn the rest of the base against them, and then they’d both be in danger, and –

Oh God, what would happen when Loyalty found out? Kobus had just violated its defining principle, and done it to the Divine it was most Loyal to. It was never going to forgive them.

Kobus shouldn’t have cared. They hadn’t talked to Loyalty in months. It finding out would change nothing about their life. They couldn’t seem to stop shaking.

“I’ll speak to Grace,” Vicuna said. She frowned. “Or, wait… No, she’ll understand. She must. She’s Grace.”

It was a weak reassurance, but Kobus got the impression she wasn’t in a position to provide anything better. They would have loved to help, but they felt about five seconds away from a panic attack of their own. They were happy to see the Vicuna they’d loved again, but mutual breakdowns were not the kind of bonding they’d hoped for.

A giggle welled up in their throat, inappropriate and more than a little hysterical. They couldn’t afford to crash now. Liberty and Grace could be back at any moment. Assuming they didn’t fly off to level another city, anyway.

“Okay,” they said, cutting off that train of thought and shoving it to the side with all their other anxieties. They could have a proper breakdown once they’d gotten their arm taken care of. “Okay.”

“Good.” Vicuna nodded once, then headed into the compound.

Kobus followed in silence.

They didn’t run into anyone in the hallways, and Kobus began to relax despite themself. They were living on borrowed time, which was a weirdly freeing thought. Their death wouldn’t be the immediate result of any of their failures. They could see a doctor and take a shower and then sit in their room and stare at the wall for hours on end, and nothing would be worse than if they’d tried to accomplish anything. Given the realizations of today, it might have been an improvement.

They were definitely sliding into a panic. They hoped Vicuna left them alone once they got to the medbay. They’d had enough of their world shattered today without losing their last shreds of dignity.

**Author's Note:**

> And then Liberty and Grace pulled a secret Divine power out of nowhere and killed Rigor in one hit, and everyone lived happily ever after and got so much therapy.


End file.
